Complicated

I had such a weird dream last night / this morning.

I don't remember it chronologically, but we'll try to figure it out.

SO, One part of this dream I am was babysitting for Avril Lavigne's mom and her family. She was younger (like back in the days when I actually like her), but she looked like she does now, but with the snobby attitude of a punk teenager. I brought the child back, and her mom proposed doing a full time homeschool teaching with a mentally handicapped person, but I was kind of like wary as I was still in college.



Then, I went around the other window when someone had to get into the car, Avril put her window down, but you could tell we had a falling out as we were reluctant to speak, but when i got over there our friendship was somehow rekindled. We talked, she told her mom that she had a stupid idea, and i was more interested in her by then. I asked her if she still had the same cellphone number, she said no, and tried reading off a pamplet a new number that made no sense (it was like 8 digits long, then it was like 12 digits long), i took the picce of paper and realized it was an avril fanclub paper. I was hurt, as I thought we were friends, she said if I call that number they can reroute me to her, I said that was bullshit and ran off into the night.

The next part of the dream, I think was connected because I was trying to get her phone number, but not really sure, but whatever, the only part I really remember is that Beth was trying to help me find a hockey game that I was at the night I found Avril again. I knew my old design teacher, Matt LeClaire was there, so we kept looking for auidence pictures to find him, or ice pictures becauase I was filming down on the lower level. Either way, that is all I remember :(

Reflective Dream Analysis Time
What I really think this dream was about, is Avril Lavigne's betrayal. (writing that I just realized so much more). I used to be a really huge Avril fan, so naturally when she became a giant slut and making horrible music, I was angry. I think since she seemed like an old friend but obviously just a conning bitch was very much how my internal felt by her BETRAYAL. In close relations we learned about betrayal yesterday, so maybe I took (subconsciously, becasue i have never though, THAT AVRIL BETRAYED ME), that info and plugged it in for this dream. Anyways, betrayal is a matter of perception, and I guess that's just what my brain did to me. It's sad though, it is sort of an old friend that betrays you, and you obviously cannot be there friend anymore, but you kind of long for that old relationship. Thank you Avril Lavigne, you got into dreams and betrayed me again, good job.

Not that Avril and I were best friends, but music to me is a patchwork quilt for the soul, and she changed who she was, which is hard to go through, you have to tear the stiching off of the time your soul spend relating to the motioned words of someone you felt so strongly about. Such a torn feeling persists. How do you say goodbye, anger seems easy, but as we learned in SOC yesterday the anger-love cycle is a complicated one, and I can't have a conversation with music, and when I listen to the older stuff, it just gets me angry about her mainstream slutcapade. Will there ever be satisfaction? Probably Not.