Complicated

I had such a weird dream last night / this morning.

I don't remember it chronologically, but we'll try to figure it out.

SO, One part of this dream I am was babysitting for Avril Lavigne's mom and her family. She was younger (like back in the days when I actually like her), but she looked like she does now, but with the snobby attitude of a punk teenager. I brought the child back, and her mom proposed doing a full time homeschool teaching with a mentally handicapped person, but I was kind of like wary as I was still in college.



Then, I went around the other window when someone had to get into the car, Avril put her window down, but you could tell we had a falling out as we were reluctant to speak, but when i got over there our friendship was somehow rekindled. We talked, she told her mom that she had a stupid idea, and i was more interested in her by then. I asked her if she still had the same cellphone number, she said no, and tried reading off a pamplet a new number that made no sense (it was like 8 digits long, then it was like 12 digits long), i took the picce of paper and realized it was an avril fanclub paper. I was hurt, as I thought we were friends, she said if I call that number they can reroute me to her, I said that was bullshit and ran off into the night.

The next part of the dream, I think was connected because I was trying to get her phone number, but not really sure, but whatever, the only part I really remember is that Beth was trying to help me find a hockey game that I was at the night I found Avril again. I knew my old design teacher, Matt LeClaire was there, so we kept looking for auidence pictures to find him, or ice pictures becauase I was filming down on the lower level. Either way, that is all I remember :(

Reflective Dream Analysis Time
What I really think this dream was about, is Avril Lavigne's betrayal. (writing that I just realized so much more). I used to be a really huge Avril fan, so naturally when she became a giant slut and making horrible music, I was angry. I think since she seemed like an old friend but obviously just a conning bitch was very much how my internal felt by her BETRAYAL. In close relations we learned about betrayal yesterday, so maybe I took (subconsciously, becasue i have never though, THAT AVRIL BETRAYED ME), that info and plugged it in for this dream. Anyways, betrayal is a matter of perception, and I guess that's just what my brain did to me. It's sad though, it is sort of an old friend that betrays you, and you obviously cannot be there friend anymore, but you kind of long for that old relationship. Thank you Avril Lavigne, you got into dreams and betrayed me again, good job.

Not that Avril and I were best friends, but music to me is a patchwork quilt for the soul, and she changed who she was, which is hard to go through, you have to tear the stiching off of the time your soul spend relating to the motioned words of someone you felt so strongly about. Such a torn feeling persists. How do you say goodbye, anger seems easy, but as we learned in SOC yesterday the anger-love cycle is a complicated one, and I can't have a conversation with music, and when I listen to the older stuff, it just gets me angry about her mainstream slutcapade. Will there ever be satisfaction? Probably Not.

Almost Eskimo Kissing

So, something very interesting happened in class yesterday in indigenous media. We were all sitting close because we were looking at things on Jo\ine's computer. She was talking about PGP parties, which were these parties held to share encrypted key's to send messages to each other. This party could not have computers at them, people had to have people vouch for them and use their ID's, but meeting face to face was a must.

Jo\ine bridged it with the Myoti indian's gathering ceremony of how they greet each other, which is a very face to face thing. She used me as an example AS she was explaining.

She puts her hands on my head, and I was a little alert, she asked me to do the same, she explained that we cross noses (ya know so our entire faces (mouths, noses, foreheads, all) is touching), and she says to breath in and out, and we share breath. I have never come so close to making out with a professor in my life.

It really made me think of what we are trying to achieve though, she is a very break the academic barrier kind of person, and I think this situation let me analyze comfort levels for that, i mean partially because I didn't know what was going on, but it seemed pretty honorable, but at the same time strange.

So that's my story about how came close to making out with Jo\ine

Choking on the Truth

IT'S ME AGAIN. Time for another blog, it's been a few days. Saturday I believe. That was the day I got my piercings, which are doing pretty good now. I am glad, I love them soooo much. I think they look really good.

I haven't been up to too much, but I think I have a lot coming up. Tomorrow I am meeting with Joline about grad. school. I got a list of schools today, so I want to pick out 6 schools by the time I take the GRE's which will hopefully be the first week or so of November probably. I am going to sign up tomorrow.

I have been tired, I feel like I both have tons and nothing to do all the time, it is a weird duality. I have new media society tomorrow, and I said if at least five people do not show up, then I am dismantling the group because I am tired of organizing something that no one comes to. I figured that more than 3 people would be interested. Last week, I was the only new media major there, so I am just ready to be over with it. I want to do projects, but they can be things I can do by myself on my own time, which I don't have much of.

I want to take pictures soon, I have some neat ideas. I have 2 related to my piercings, and 1 related to something else, that I just forgot, but it will come to me. I haven't taken pictures in a bit. I may bring my camera to campus tomorrow after I do homework.

OH, We moved the house around. We did that on Sunday. I think it looks pretty swift. I bought a desk and Beth and I put it together, but that took forever, and the morning after my hand was SWOLLEN because of screwing into metal is not something your hand should ever do, it was sadness for my hand.

I am glad I have been keeping up with this blog, I am starting to really like it, it kind of chronicals what is going on lately, and i will like it when i look back next year and wonder what the hell it was I was doing. I think I have done the best job keeping up with this blog than any other blog.

On a few other notes; I got a 98 on my first SOC205 exam today, 1 question away from a 100, but oh well i figured I wouldn't get a 100, I am glad that I got a 98. Either way I was excited. I was kind of bummed out because this girl I like in my class (i wouldn't even call it a crush, just an attraction) didn't sit next to me today like she usually does. She was rather late, so she sat 2 seats behind me. I wanted her to see my new piercings, oh well, I am silly.

Other than those things, I have been a little annoyed at some people lately. I wish people would live their lives the way they want and not go back and forth between what they want and what they perceieve they should do. It is kind of annoying, but there is nothing I can do about it, accept it, it's not my job to guide other people's lives, but I just wish people were truer to themselves sometimes, friends love friends no matter what, and a constant back and forth is so hard to read. We all have problems though, so I guess it's just something people go through sometimes. Oh well, I guess.

I am listening me some Bif Naked. I saw this thing the other day, they are websodes of Bif's upcoming wedding. I didn't know she was engaged, I think it's interesting because she seems like the kind of girl that rejects everything, even the institution of marriage. I know she is bi, so it is interesting to see the process of how she does marriage.

SOON, Karen Stever will be releasing Playground Isolator, well December, but I am so glad, she is doing all kinds of things. Nov. 25th will be the funeral mute music video. I am sooo pumped right now.

I thought there were a few other things I wanted to chronical here, but I guess that was not true because I do not remember them right now. I don't have many plans this weekend. I was supposed to go to Boston this weekend to see Architecture in Helsinki, but Astra is going to new york afterwards so there is no reason she shouldn't stay in Boston then go right to NY after, so i told her we'll hang next time, and I mean it, haha, I want to go to Boston, so hopefully before wintery times, we will venture there.

WELL, I guess I shall let you go, and by you I mean you the imaginery person who doesn't read my blog, but I am glad I write in it, it lets me think about what I have been doing.

Peace from ME, and Bif.

WRIST BE DONE

I GOT IT DONE!!

Here are some pictures!!!

Memento Stylings

Wow Doug, there sure has been a lot of things going on the last few days. Nothing too crazy but still. Last night we had another games night because we thought Mallory was leaving to go back to Texas soon, but she isn't so that's good and we still had a good pot luck minus the fact I got deathly ill off of 1 of three things;

1. Deviled eggs
   
2. Velvetta
   
3. Sour Cream (in French onion potatoes)
   

I'm not sure what it was or it was a nuclear combination of the three, but my stomach was unhappy with me. About halfway through Lynn and Josh joined us, then Josh was way too intense the entire night. I realize he's just a kid but seriously, we were nice to invite him and he makes fun of people, acts rude, it's really annoying me lately. But other than that, games night went pretty well, we played some Cranium, then some Loaded Questions. Ate some food. It was nice.

Before games night though, we went to the Treworgy Orchards to check out the corn maze they have there. It was pretty sweet. The corn maze is shaped like a sheep this year, and we go in and have to find certain stations, answer questions, find our way around, it was a fun little labyrinth! We had a great time taking pictures (I will put some up here as soon as Caitlin sends me her pictures). Afterwards, we got free ice cream which was god awfully delicious x's 100. We also saw an Upward Bound student which was nice.

Before the corn maze though, we went to Bangor, stuck in the sickest Maine traffic jam of all time. We must fill our manifest destiny with construction at 2 in the morning, that wasn't enough…NOW ITS ALL DAY AND NIGHT. Seriously took us about 35 minutes to get to Best Buy. People were using the break down lane as a normal lane to cut people, it was horrible.

Before the traffic jam though, I had a deep convo with Caitlin about some stuff, which was nice, I've had a lot of deep convos lately, some of which were very much needed, and I think they helped resolve some issues and whatnot, so that I am happy about, no one wants to be a fickle pickle.

Before the deep conversation though, I took the easiest test of my life. We were able to create a "cheat sheet" for our class test (sociology of close relations), and I pretty much fit every ounce of information we went over on the sheet, and guess how many times I even used it….TWICE. And both times were just to confirm an answer I was already sure of and had eliminated down to two answers. Caitlin did her cheat sheet like an hour before the test and got done before me, but I think partially because I did the test then filled out the bubble sheet. Regardless though, I am sure I got at the very worst a 94. I want to say I may have gotten a 100, but more realistically if I did that well I got a 98.

Before the easy test though, I woke up.

So that's me for the last day or so. I am really conjuring in my brain the possibility of getting my wrists pierced today. I photoshopped a picture of how it would look and I think it looks swanky and I would really like to get it done too. I may go in about an hour or so, If I do and it all works out I will post some pictures here. If that goes well too, I may think about getting a dermal anchor (after talking with Orrin some more) by Christmas time.

Well, I guess that is all the musings I have for now. I hope you liked my Doug reference from the Sarah Silverman program, and you liked my reserve ("memento" type) telling of my day yesterday.

Okay, peace out in a drought

OH ALSO, if you get the chance, watch the new episode of the Sarah Silverman program, it was absolutely hilarious! She is amazing, pure genious.
"Babies should say 'GOO' not become it" , I'll leave with that!

 

Subdermal Thinking

So, last night I emailed my piercer (I'll call him that since he has done ¼ of my piercings, and if I get my wrists pierced I am going back to him. Well, he sent me this e-mail this morning ;

________

hi matt,
those were prob the best questions I have ever been asked. let me explain

1. I prefer to use a barbell with a 45 degree bend on it, this allows the flat part of the barbell to lie into the subcutaneous layer a lot easier than the 90 degree bars I feel that this way allows the piercing to stay in a lot longer and there is a lot less chances of it etting caught on clothing etc. I also like ptfe, which is a flexible plastic, some people cannot use the ptfe for allergic reasons


2 as with all surface piercings there is a high rate of rejection most of this happens due to improper after care a surface piercing is hard work to take care of there are some cases when the person has done everything right abd they still reject that does happen

I hope this has helped u at least a little and if u have anymore questions please feel free to ask also if you have a minute google dermal anchors and let me know if that is something u would be interested in they r really cool ttyl

O

___________

So, I did my research and basically what dermal anchors are implants into the skin with a screw top. Like the picture below. It seems like a really cool concept. It looks a little painful. I probably would not get my wrists done with this, as if they are removed then you need to get them cut out, which sounds very scary to me. I don't know it seems like there is a very spiritual connection with them because they are imbedded inside of you. It sounds very transforming and neat to me. So, I emailed him back saying I would probably be interested after my wrist piercings and next tattoo. I'll post what he says back, but I would be interested in getting this done. I was thinking maybe the front of my shoulders, maybe something below the waist. NO NOT THAT, like my knees or something. I saw some "ring dermal anchors", which seemed really neat, but not for me.

Oh well, if you are a person that reads this blog, comment and let me know what you think, but I think it sounds amazing.

I think it looks really neat, and would def. consider it. Other than that, I wanted to share some thoughts on piercings that I wrote for a class forum earlier. I think body mod is a very involved topic, but some things we talked about in class got my mind relating it to me as a modified person.

Here's what I said ::

I wanted to say something in class but conversation transformed and it seemed out of range when we got where we did, but I still wanted to bring it up. Joline et al was talking about the childbirthing curses and we were talking about pain, and what is pain, why can it not be good and it made me think of my body.

I am obviously a fan of body modification, and I understand a lot of people view it as abuse to the body (as some of my family members), but I view it as a very spiritual process.

When I first got my first "socially abnormal" piercing I was 18 and I got my lip pierced, at first it was just because I thought it would look cool, but now I have 8 piercings and 1 tattoo, and the other night I thought about a photo series I want to do. I want to photograph each of my piercings because i realize they are reflecitons of different parts of me. I view it like this ; each of my piercings is related to a part of my body that i use. I am a big fan of counterculture and whatnot, which is part of it, but it also reflects what I care about ;

ears 4 piercings ; listening
lips 2 piercings ; speaking (using my voice)
neck 1 piercing ; a connection into my spine and into my brain, thoughts
bridge 1 piercing ; my "third eye" , connected to my vision and how I see the world

I often get strange looks, strange reactions, weird questions, but as of late I have gotten very spiritual with my piercings. I have thought about how they have transformed me. Another part of it is that the perception of piercings is "hoodlum" and i want to break those stereotypes of what youth in america find important. Sort of a "i reject your reality and replace it with my own".

I just think it is so pertinent to what we were saying about class because everyone always asks first "didn't that hurt", and the answer is always the same "the needle going in has a pop, but it wasn't too bad", but the more I think about my body and how it is connected to my piercings I see it is "the needle goes in, and transformation comes out". I really think they have helped me delved out who accepts me for who i am, and how it reflects me as a person in this culture that I find hard to live in. For me they are all political statements, though they don't say it. They are representorial of my protest for women's rights, gay/lesbian/"two-spirit" rights, and all human rights, they are my war-protest

they are my ears, my voice, my mind, and my eyes in a world where we must be aware of who we are and how we are affecting the world, and people notice me.

I taught a workshop at Upward Bound this summer about body modification and got really involved, when we think of body modification outside the realm of what we normally see body modification is much more common in our culture , things like ; dieting, body building, suntanning, even a haircut is a body modification by definition. I just wish we were more encompassing with our definitions and respect the culture.I am currently in the process of deciding if i want to get my wrists pierced (on the upside not palmside). I figure in my transformation of spirituality it could represent hands as work, something tactile and tangible to make change. I could go on and on, but I won't.

WELL, that got more involved than I had originally intended, but I just a perspective about me, and part of the sharing process i hope we can all establish with each other.

GK / DAIVD ; how is piercing in your culture. I notice the markings on your face GK, and david you have at least one ear piercing, obv. not as extragent or extensive as mine, but how do your cultures view these kinds of modifications.

Interested in hearing other thoughts on other's perceptions of body mods.
__

some of it is contextual to class, but you get the general sense of what I saying, just how I feel really.

WELL, I need to finish my study guide for my test tomorrow, then get ready for hopefully a pretty laid back October "break"/long weekend.

OUT !

We Pooped At The Mall Today

I am in some really big need of finding a tv with cable tonight. The new Sarah Silverman program starts and I want to see it as it airs. I hope I can find one. I was going to watch it with Erin, but she's going to see that suckfest Ratoutille. I am sure that will be worse than eating genital warts. Anyways though, not too much has been going on. I haven't blogged in a few days, but that's alright.

I am thinking of getting my wrists pierced. I really want it done, it looks awesome, and I think it would be a really neat piercing. I am not sure. I have to get my tattoo done soon too. Maybe during break Beth will bring me over to Riverview so I can at least drop off some designs. I have to go to the gym soon too. I haven't been in almost a week. I should go tonight and tomorrow, then over break at least once. My goal is 2 – 3 times a week, so I can still achieve it. Maybe while everyone is at the movie tonight, Beth and I can go to the gym, or maybe I will call Bex to see if she wants to go. We usually go out Tuesdays / Thursdays though, maybe I'll go tonight with Beth and tomorrow with Bex.

I am glad we have break coming up, though for me, the only difference is that I will be missing class on Monday, but that will feel good to have an extra long weekend. I think I will go around taking pictures of Fall, it's getting really pretty outside, and I have been looking into learning more things about photography. I usually just capture until I find good pics, but I want to really understand what everything means so I can better photograph.

Other than that, not a lot is going on, I got my Season 1 of Sarah Silverman Program in the mail today, which was amazing. I need to watch them all again, even though I've watched them like 1,000 times! They are the best.

Well, I guess I have nothing else to offer right now, so I will sign off, if anyone thinks it would be cool for me to get my wrists pierced let me know. I am going to take some awesome artsy photos of myself later on tonight, and I am going to photoshop some wrist piercings on myself, if you think that's cool, comment and let me know, if you don't, I don't want to hear your words of discouragement. (but you can post them anyways). I was thinking (and this breaks my law of piercing symmetry) of getting an X on my left hand. I may just get the horizontal surface bars on each wrist, but I think an X would be really neat too.

Okay, Peace Out!