Cream and Bastards Rise

it's been a few days, so HEY! First deal of news would be last friday. I went to go see 30 days of night, it was pretty awesome, I am still completely unsure of how I felt about it, but I loved the cinematography, which if a movie has a decent plot, and the movie is decent the cinematography can turn it around for me, and there was some amazing shots in that film. just thing bloody snow patches in a winterized town - that cool!



Other than that I haven't been up to too much. Astra and I sat in the union for hours and hours today and chatted, I needed a little Astra time, it was fun. We were in the "Memorial Room", it was hilarious, we played this little fun game called ; "Astra hides behind the door, and i signal to her when someone comes walking by, she jumps out and flashes a picture of them while yelling 'surprise, but then a bitchy girl comes over and is all 'this is a room of respect, quietness, and reflection, do you know the history of this room' and then Astra responds 'yes, i was trying to have fun' where she gets cut off and bitchy girl relates to her saying she is fun and would do it too if it weren't this room meaning she wouldn't because she was frigid' game. it was a pretty good one, we left after that, and I have been editing the videos for work. I have one done right now, I want to get the other one done tonight, then get the other one done before class tomorrow.

Besides those two things, not much has been going on, I have been trying to decide about graduate school, so I have been looking up colleges. I had a meeting for my scholarship the other day, and I need to start studying for the GREs soon. The decision-making in my life is becoming harder and harder, and i'm not focusing as much as I should, so I have been trying to put it off as much as I can, but I usually do well in figuring out when and how and all of that stuff. So hopefully it will all work out. Astra thinks I should leave, i'm not sure yet, I really do want to try something new, go "out there". I'm not sure what that all includes, it seems scary, but also very exciting.

Brian wants me to go out to Seattle for Christmas, he asks me every single time that we talk, I really want to, and if I do , I will go out and surprise him. I just don't know if I have the 500ish dollars to go out there, but it would be so cool, I could go out for two weeks, then come back, and i'm thinking of going down to DC with Astra. So, there's always that, I really want to explore, it is just getting the motivation to actually go and do it, but I should, i'll see what the money situation is like.

WELL, I guess that is that, we are going to see-saw for (Saw IV) a good cause of enjoyment of torture on , I liked that form of Double Entendre, it won't happen again the SAW FOR thing, because five and six are just numbers not also prepositions. Then on Saturday, I think we are going to have our Halloween party, which I am very unsure of what is going down already, but oh well. Maybe we'll drink, maybe not, I have no clue. I keep walking on eggshells about a certain subject in my life wondering constantly how to incorporate it in my life, it's becoming a heavy weight, and I don't know how to deal with it, but I guess I will figure it out eventually.

I guess that is it, that's what's been going on since last blog , OH WAIT TWO MORE THINGS

1.) LOVELINE ; it's still on. Its Dr. Drew and some Stryker guy. I was listening to a podcast last night, andy dick was on a few months ago, and he's hilarious so i was listening to it, i am going to start listening to it on a regular basis, <3line!


2.) Karen got my package, she loved it, :) yay, i guess that's all. I was scared because the delivery confirmation said it got to LA on thursday , but she said she got it Monday, so maybe it just hadn't been delivered to her place yet. She's great, and I am glad I sent it to her.

(cover for playground isolator)

I guess that really is it for now, nothing else besides those things I am sure...so there.

Sometimes

this is how i feel right now about my life

Shadows they fall on the stage of your own life,
Trailing behind footsteps.
There's comfort in ghosts who are no longer with you,
Hiding behind your death.
I let you down you've lost your taste,
I'm losing ground I fall from grace.
Well just listen,
Sometimes,
YOU GOTTA' SET FREE WHAT YOU LOVE JUST TO BRING IT BACK!
WOULD YOU EVER LOSE ME?
WOULD YOU EVER LET GO FOR THAT?
And if the love is real you gotta' let yourself go,
Just to bring it back.
Sometimes,
Just to bring it back.
Hiding inside my asylum I'm always,
Hanging on by a thread.
I can't ecpect you to respect me until I've,
Learned to respect myself.
I've let you down you've lost your taste,
I'm losing ground I miss your face.
Well just listen,
Well just listen,
SOMETIMES,
SOMETIMES,
YOU GOTTA' SET FREE WHAT YOU LOVE JUST TO BRING IT BACK!
WOULD YOU EVER LOSE ME?
WOULD YOU EVER LET GO FOR THAT?
And if the love is real you gotta' let yourself go,
Just to bring it back.
Sometimes,
Just to bring it back.
I've let you down you've lost your taste,
I'm losing ground I fall from grace.
Well just listen,
Sometimes,
Sometimes,
Sometimes,
YOU GOTTA' SET FREE WHAT YOU LOVE JUST TO BRING IT BACK!
WOULD YOU EVER LOSE ME?
WOULD YOU EVER LET GO FOR THAT?
And if the love is real you gotta' teach yourself,
Just to bring it back.
Sometimes,
Just to bring it back.
Oh the love you're bringing back.
Oh the love you're bringing back.
Sometimes,
Sometimes,
Just to bring it back.
You gotta' let go.

Supernatural High

So, I wouldn't blog about this unless it seemed super weird, and maybe this isn't weird to anyone else but me, but it's weird.

so the other day I got an e-mail about being eligible for an honor's fraternity. I was reading through the names just to see if I knew anyone else, oddly enough I was grouped with a bunch of people from my high school, which I thought was rather strange. Short and short, i saw someone's name that had went to like conneticut for college, and I was like wow she doesn't go here, unless she transferred. So, I went to class and after class I am walking down the hall and SEE HER, the fact I just read that e-mail less than 2 hours ago, and then saw her (and I haven't seen her since the day we graduated high school together). I see her again yesterday, and decide to say hello.

SO, that was odd, but I guess possible.

SOOOO, tonight I was just randomly facebook stalking old high school people. It was weird how much just seeing these people flashbacked me back to high school, feeling the same, it was horrible haha. Anyways, I found someone's myspace I hadn't seen since the day we graduated high school also. Anywho, Bex and I went to Bangor tonight, wal-mart, then Denny's, it was all very random and all very late. We are leaving denny's after eating, and I see someone who looks familiar but different, i do a double take and then I turn back around, then I hear my name, it was the VERY PERSON i saw on facebook. We talked for a few moments, small chat kind of stuff.

Seriously though, CREEPY, It's like I see people in some online kind of way then I see them in real life, some weird manifestation destiny (not to be confused with manifest destiny). Anyways, I just thought I would share my creepy experience.

very surreal kind of supernatural type feelings...

The Last Machine

IT'S BEEN A FEW DAYS. I spent the weekend watching movies galore, 7 to be exact. I need to watch a lot of movies to fit my goal of averaging a movie a day per watching time!

I am so excited about Stever stuff happening. She is redesigning her myspace tomorrow, which should be pretty swanky. She sent me a cool email today, she thought it was funny i said i was like an alternative sherlock holmes. I sent out her bday gift today, hope she likes it, I really want to be part of her music, its so deep and emotion, it scratches at the core of the bones in the body!

Anyways. I hung out with bex tonight, that was fun. We went to see Mr. Woodcock, which was funny and a little "oh my god, he didn't just do that", but overall good. We talked about life, and we still are. Seems like everyone is having tragedies of decision-making lately. I guess it's that time of the Fall, ya know? (me neither)

I don't have too much to blog about, at first I thought I did, but I mostly don't now. I dismantled New Media Society, because last meeting no one showed up, and it's dwindled since meeting one, so take that NMS! Oh well, I can put on my resume that I was president , so there. I mean I did try, i posted, came up with ideas, i played the role of all 4 positions. Oh well.

My piercings are doing well for the most part, they are kind of scabby and red, but i think it's normal, i wish i knew. I emailed Orrin to find out, he hasn't gotten back to me yet, but i mean its not painful or swollen or pussing, so I'm feeling good about them. I love them !

WELL, I shall let go for now.

Complicated

I had such a weird dream last night / this morning.

I don't remember it chronologically, but we'll try to figure it out.

SO, One part of this dream I am was babysitting for Avril Lavigne's mom and her family. She was younger (like back in the days when I actually like her), but she looked like she does now, but with the snobby attitude of a punk teenager. I brought the child back, and her mom proposed doing a full time homeschool teaching with a mentally handicapped person, but I was kind of like wary as I was still in college.



Then, I went around the other window when someone had to get into the car, Avril put her window down, but you could tell we had a falling out as we were reluctant to speak, but when i got over there our friendship was somehow rekindled. We talked, she told her mom that she had a stupid idea, and i was more interested in her by then. I asked her if she still had the same cellphone number, she said no, and tried reading off a pamplet a new number that made no sense (it was like 8 digits long, then it was like 12 digits long), i took the picce of paper and realized it was an avril fanclub paper. I was hurt, as I thought we were friends, she said if I call that number they can reroute me to her, I said that was bullshit and ran off into the night.

The next part of the dream, I think was connected because I was trying to get her phone number, but not really sure, but whatever, the only part I really remember is that Beth was trying to help me find a hockey game that I was at the night I found Avril again. I knew my old design teacher, Matt LeClaire was there, so we kept looking for auidence pictures to find him, or ice pictures becauase I was filming down on the lower level. Either way, that is all I remember :(

Reflective Dream Analysis Time
What I really think this dream was about, is Avril Lavigne's betrayal. (writing that I just realized so much more). I used to be a really huge Avril fan, so naturally when she became a giant slut and making horrible music, I was angry. I think since she seemed like an old friend but obviously just a conning bitch was very much how my internal felt by her BETRAYAL. In close relations we learned about betrayal yesterday, so maybe I took (subconsciously, becasue i have never though, THAT AVRIL BETRAYED ME), that info and plugged it in for this dream. Anyways, betrayal is a matter of perception, and I guess that's just what my brain did to me. It's sad though, it is sort of an old friend that betrays you, and you obviously cannot be there friend anymore, but you kind of long for that old relationship. Thank you Avril Lavigne, you got into dreams and betrayed me again, good job.

Not that Avril and I were best friends, but music to me is a patchwork quilt for the soul, and she changed who she was, which is hard to go through, you have to tear the stiching off of the time your soul spend relating to the motioned words of someone you felt so strongly about. Such a torn feeling persists. How do you say goodbye, anger seems easy, but as we learned in SOC yesterday the anger-love cycle is a complicated one, and I can't have a conversation with music, and when I listen to the older stuff, it just gets me angry about her mainstream slutcapade. Will there ever be satisfaction? Probably Not.

Almost Eskimo Kissing

So, something very interesting happened in class yesterday in indigenous media. We were all sitting close because we were looking at things on Jo\ine's computer. She was talking about PGP parties, which were these parties held to share encrypted key's to send messages to each other. This party could not have computers at them, people had to have people vouch for them and use their ID's, but meeting face to face was a must.

Jo\ine bridged it with the Myoti indian's gathering ceremony of how they greet each other, which is a very face to face thing. She used me as an example AS she was explaining.

She puts her hands on my head, and I was a little alert, she asked me to do the same, she explained that we cross noses (ya know so our entire faces (mouths, noses, foreheads, all) is touching), and she says to breath in and out, and we share breath. I have never come so close to making out with a professor in my life.

It really made me think of what we are trying to achieve though, she is a very break the academic barrier kind of person, and I think this situation let me analyze comfort levels for that, i mean partially because I didn't know what was going on, but it seemed pretty honorable, but at the same time strange.

So that's my story about how came close to making out with Jo\ine

Choking on the Truth

IT'S ME AGAIN. Time for another blog, it's been a few days. Saturday I believe. That was the day I got my piercings, which are doing pretty good now. I am glad, I love them soooo much. I think they look really good.

I haven't been up to too much, but I think I have a lot coming up. Tomorrow I am meeting with Joline about grad. school. I got a list of schools today, so I want to pick out 6 schools by the time I take the GRE's which will hopefully be the first week or so of November probably. I am going to sign up tomorrow.

I have been tired, I feel like I both have tons and nothing to do all the time, it is a weird duality. I have new media society tomorrow, and I said if at least five people do not show up, then I am dismantling the group because I am tired of organizing something that no one comes to. I figured that more than 3 people would be interested. Last week, I was the only new media major there, so I am just ready to be over with it. I want to do projects, but they can be things I can do by myself on my own time, which I don't have much of.

I want to take pictures soon, I have some neat ideas. I have 2 related to my piercings, and 1 related to something else, that I just forgot, but it will come to me. I haven't taken pictures in a bit. I may bring my camera to campus tomorrow after I do homework.

OH, We moved the house around. We did that on Sunday. I think it looks pretty swift. I bought a desk and Beth and I put it together, but that took forever, and the morning after my hand was SWOLLEN because of screwing into metal is not something your hand should ever do, it was sadness for my hand.

I am glad I have been keeping up with this blog, I am starting to really like it, it kind of chronicals what is going on lately, and i will like it when i look back next year and wonder what the hell it was I was doing. I think I have done the best job keeping up with this blog than any other blog.

On a few other notes; I got a 98 on my first SOC205 exam today, 1 question away from a 100, but oh well i figured I wouldn't get a 100, I am glad that I got a 98. Either way I was excited. I was kind of bummed out because this girl I like in my class (i wouldn't even call it a crush, just an attraction) didn't sit next to me today like she usually does. She was rather late, so she sat 2 seats behind me. I wanted her to see my new piercings, oh well, I am silly.

Other than those things, I have been a little annoyed at some people lately. I wish people would live their lives the way they want and not go back and forth between what they want and what they perceieve they should do. It is kind of annoying, but there is nothing I can do about it, accept it, it's not my job to guide other people's lives, but I just wish people were truer to themselves sometimes, friends love friends no matter what, and a constant back and forth is so hard to read. We all have problems though, so I guess it's just something people go through sometimes. Oh well, I guess.

I am listening me some Bif Naked. I saw this thing the other day, they are websodes of Bif's upcoming wedding. I didn't know she was engaged, I think it's interesting because she seems like the kind of girl that rejects everything, even the institution of marriage. I know she is bi, so it is interesting to see the process of how she does marriage.

SOON, Karen Stever will be releasing Playground Isolator, well December, but I am so glad, she is doing all kinds of things. Nov. 25th will be the funeral mute music video. I am sooo pumped right now.

I thought there were a few other things I wanted to chronical here, but I guess that was not true because I do not remember them right now. I don't have many plans this weekend. I was supposed to go to Boston this weekend to see Architecture in Helsinki, but Astra is going to new york afterwards so there is no reason she shouldn't stay in Boston then go right to NY after, so i told her we'll hang next time, and I mean it, haha, I want to go to Boston, so hopefully before wintery times, we will venture there.

WELL, I guess I shall let you go, and by you I mean you the imaginery person who doesn't read my blog, but I am glad I write in it, it lets me think about what I have been doing.

Peace from ME, and Bif.